In which I talk about the funk

Hello, Friends. Gosh, I'm really not doing very well at posting on a regular basis lately! SO SORRY! Life has been such a roller coaster the last several weeks, maybe even months, and I've been struggling to find a balance. Blogging has had to fall by the wayside a little bit. Or maybe a lot. =)

I'm hoping, once we're feeling more settled in the house, and after Lily's birthday this weekend, and after swimming lessons next week, and after VBS the next week, and after the kids go to college... Kidding! But you know how it is, it's always something! I am hoping to be more consistent here in the very near future. How's that for non-committal???

So, I'm here to tell you about the funk. Unfortunately, it's me in a bit of a funk. For awhile now I've been feeling more down than up and have finally had to admit that it's not just one bad day or a series of bad days.

I broke down crying while on the phone with my hubby on Saturday and told him that I don't know what to do. We had a big talk the other night to sort of hash out the issues, and there are many, that we both believe may be contributing to the funkiness. He's been really supportive and understanding and I just have to say that it makes a HUGE difference to know that he's behind me and he doesn't think I'm a big weirdo for feeling this way.

Some of the things I'm experiencing in addition to being "down" are not feeling in control of my emotions, wishing I could sleep all day (we all know THAT isn't happening with two little ones that wake up at the butt crack of dawn!!!), getting angry easily and smaller things are making me angry, anxiety, not handling pressure very well or feeling easily overwhelmed. Gosh, when I list it like that I sound like a fruit cake.

All of this is so foreign to me. I am a really happy person! And I love my life. I love my Jesus. I love my hubby. I love my kiddos. And it's frustrating to me to feel so unhappy when I know that I have so much to be happy about and grateful for.

I hesitate to use the word depression, because I don't know if that's technically what this is. It's humbling to admit that it's a possibility. But I can't pretend that I have it all together when I don't.

I used to think that people that were depressed needed to buck up and get over it. I felt like they just needed to claim victory in the name of Jesus and snap out of it! I was quick to judge on a subject I knew absolutely nothing about.

So, if you would be praying for me I would really appreciate it. We don't really know how to proceed. Do I need to talk with my doctor? Do I need counseling? Would medication help? Do I need to go back to Disney World? Yes, I think Disney might be the answer.

Truthfully, it's been helpful to be honest about how I'm feeling. With myself and with Andy. And I suppose now with you! It's a weight lifted to finally admit that I'm struggling.

I do know that God is faithful and will be with me throughout this. Christian radio has been really good for me the last few days. I've never paid this much attention to the lyrics and some of the songs have really ministered to me. The Psalms are plum full of verses about God being a rock and refuge, a shield and deliverer, a stronghold and our salvation. I have never needed Him to be those things to me like I do now. Psalm 91 has always been a favorite of mine and has special significance to me right now. I'll close with this awesome passage of Scripture.

Psalm 91

1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."
3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked.
9 If you make the Most High your dwelling -even the LORD, who is my refuge-
10 then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."