Dear Daughter

Back on Wednesday, June 10th I shared with you that I've been feeling a little funky. I've had some low days over the past few months and it was good for me to be honest about how I'm feeling.

I really appreciate the love that I received from some of you! The phone calls and emails were very encouraging and I just want you to know how grateful I am.

The day after I wrote about my funk I received an email from my dad with the subject "dear daughter". Before I even opened it I knew it would make me cry.

You KNOW how much I love my dad. He has been more influential in my life than just about anybody I can think of. He has impacted my life in countless ways! His life has been an incredible example of how to walk the talk. I am *so* blessed to have this dad. And I think you'll see why when you read his letter to me.

Dear Dawn,

Upon reading your blog post about a funk, your dad wants to offer some food for thought.

Here are some possible contributors to your funk.

Your dad. Your dad is a sinner who has had his share of funks. His poor example and the genes you acquired from him may conspire against you, with both nurture and nature ganging up on you. I can, of course, do nothing about the DNA, but I can do something about my own general demeanor in the strength God supplies. So I’m speaking scripture to myself. Why are you downcast, O my soul? Hope in God! My soul is bowed down within me. But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. "The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him." The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.

You have recently re-located. There is an emotional drain, a letting go. And though, in the long run, it is validated and seems fitting, at the time there is an ache, a homesickness or something. Though people relocate all the time, it is not without emotional cost.

You have recently had a setback in your relationship with your beloved sister, and though a sort of truce has been achieved, significant disappointment endures. To deny or repress it, is to have the emotional intensity work its way out some other way.

In relocating you have spent money. Normally an advance planner and saver, spending a rainy day fund can be for you unsettling, clouded over by the question “What if?” What if we have an emergency or something?

The economy is not uplifting to your husband’s business, and such a thing is not irrelevant to the peace of mind of a wife.

Taylor and Lily are Taylor and Lily. They are small children. That spells exhaustion. Reserves are depleted. Rest is rare. We thank God for Taylor and Lily and are delighted to hear that you are thinking of adding children to your home ministry. There are no regrets about this. But for the time being, we are not at the top of our game. Your mother just about had a nervous breakdown when you girls were very young, when we first moved to Brookings. One day in our small apartment (before moving to the house you remember) an electric fry pan cord sparked, and took Vicki over the edge in tears. I was far too slow to realize how exhausting it is to be watchful of small children.

Your body is aging. Boy, do I know that enemy. I can’t do what I used to, and I don’t look the way I used to, and there’s diminishing optimism for thinking I ever will. But, okay. That news comes as zero surprise. It helps me look away from glorying in shallow beauty, and puts me to work on a deeper kind of beauty and acceptance of the brevity of life.

God is qualifying you to help others. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

I offer these comments not because I expect you to snap out of it. I’m so glad you were able to be candid in your blog (and frankly, your sense of humor came through, diminishing my sense that you have clinical depression, or if you do it’s not the worst caliber). I write because your emotions don’t mean that you are crazy or unusually weak for a typical Christian mom. You’re pretty much like the rest of us. Sometimes just knowing that there are reasons why I am behaving the way I am, helps me not freak out about how I am freaking out. I don’t wish to make excuses for poor behavior, but in our weaknesses he shows Himself strong.

Be encouraged that your dad loves you, understands (at least a little, I think), and stands ready to help out. That’s why your mother and I count it a privilege to watch kids for you at Coronado Springs, or Minneapolis, or St. Cloud. Take a break. Get some rest. Write a blog (‘cuz I think that energizes you… you’re a good writer!).

Dad

Isn't that remarkable??? I appreciated his email so much. I felt validated and understood. (Thank you, Dad) And he hit the nail on the head with many of the things that I believe are contributing to my feelings. While he doesn't know all of the issues, he summarized some of them very well! (He's SO articulate!) I won't respond to or go into detail about any of the "contributors" that he talked about at this time. Perhaps later. But if his email gives you better insight into how you could be praying for me, that would be wonderful!

I'm still fighting whatever this is. Some days are icky and some days are pretty good.

One of my biggest temptations right now is to hide. Sometimes I just want to be invisible. So being at church for VBS every day last week was *hard* for me!

I was right out in plain sight!

DAILY!

Yikes.

I felt like people could see through me and it was pretty uncomfortable sometimes. But GOD is so faithful. I asked him to be my Help. And He was.

So that's the update, for what it's worth. Thanks for praying!